godgirl's blog

God knows exactly how deep to operate

I have been in pain all week. I’m physically fine – this is an emotional pain that I’m writing about tonight. I certainly feel it, but I couldn’t tell you what it was about until now. I am in surgery. The great physician is cutting deep inside me and rooting out core issues that have caused me pain for as long as I can remember. And, this isn’t a simple surgery for He is going deeper and deeper and going after the root. Although, it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I know it is necessary. In fact, its the best thing that could ever happen to me.

The first surgery happened on Monday and after one day of recuperating, I was back on the table. I guess X-rays (my behavior) must have showed that they didn’t get it all. So on Wednesday, I was back under the knife.

As with any surgery, it takes time to heal. There’s re-hab. There’s medicine to take and you have to slow down your life. You almost never feel the full effects until well after the surgeries have been performed. I tell ya this was no minor surgery. This was definitely open heart surgery and it’s leaving some scars.

Right now I still feel I’m on the table and my guts are spilling out all over. I’m feeling vulnerable. Scared and unsure of my healing. I’m also hoping that he gets it all this time.

But I know in order for anything new to be in my life, I have to get rid of the old. He’s going after hurtful thought patterns I’ve believed that were never from Him. He wants me to see my life as he does – full of hope, fruit and goodness. But, he has to remove all the bad – so I’m going with it.

I’m not left without any morphine. I have the best medicine around for healing for every time I ask him to help me through the pain…he’s right there and takes it away. It only comes back when I forget about him and his promises.

I’ll keep you posted as to my re-hab. I’m letting my body heal at the moment and trying to take better care of myself and letting God fill up that empty hole in my heart. I’m already feeling better, but, boy did it hurt. I’ll let you know when the pain finally lifts.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

This is a praise report today folks.  I finally got victory over something that has “hooked” me for over 20 years, I kid you not.  But, before I go on, I should describe what this “hook” reference is all about.

I have been hearing this word more and more over the last couple of months.  Hooks. Hooks in the Christian world refer to those things that when you are presented (tempted) with them, you behave in a way which just sets you off and causes you to step two steps back. Hooks are your hot buttons.  Hooks are pet peeves.  Hooks are snares that oppress you.  And hooks are subtle and scary for they have the power to cause you to stumble.

Psalm 141:8-10 (New International Version)

⁸ But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD;
in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.

⁹ Keep me from the snares they have laid for me,
from the traps set by evildoers.

¹⁰ Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
while I pass by in safety.

Every time when I heard someone pray for a hook to stop snaring me I always envisioned myself wearing a fisher person’s vest.  And this vest of mine could get easily hooked.  Just like your favorite sweater gets snags all the time-that’s how this vest appeared to me.  However, today, I felt a particular hook was trying to hook onto my body but it wasn’t able.  My vest was now made out of some type of material that it couldn’t get hooked into.  I totally could visualize a hook trying to rub against me, but it couldn’t hook into me.  I didn’t react. I finally had victory over this issue. Amen! It was an amazing feeling not being hurt by this situation again after being affected by it for so long.  I know Satan wasn’t pleased, but I sure am!

Now, hooks also have several components to them (ala layers of an onion).  I envision these softer hooks to be more like carabiners. I like these hooks, they have many useful functions  and come in several shapes and sizes. Some are even heart shaped.  But nevertheless they still are hooks.

Carabiners are hooks, but are easily removable.

But with carabiners, they don’t dig into you, they latch onto you.   With fishing hooks, they not only pierce your skin, but they travel deep down inside depending on the size. With carabiners, they can’t penetrate you and you have the control to release them. We can pop off them quickly or leave them on. It’s our choice.

I’ve still got a carabiner attached to this issue, but now, I’m able to pop it off as soon as I recognize it.

The morale of this little post is…have patience with your hook(s). If you keep handing it over to the “greatest fisherman” ever created, he’ll be able to take that hook out for you. I never thought I’d get healed from my issue, but 20 years later…its a new story. But don’t try and take the hook out yourself, you’ll do more damage to yourself. God will work it out of you and he knows the right time for it to disappear.

What do the fisher people say?  Any day fishing is better than any day at work! Work on putting on a hook-proof vest.

Best,
Cindy