There always is a sticky side to transparency

I sat in an amazing session last week led by Alex Hamilton (The Redeemer Church) at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit. He told us he would be talking about one of the most important issues facing the church – when leaders fall and how you handle it. Well, being a crisis communication executive, my ears certainly perked up.   Kudos to Pastor Hamilton – he did lead one of the most important seminars of the conference and what he had to say about how to handle it was spot on – he took a risk and was transparent with his congregation when his church was faced with such a problem.

Pastor Hamilton had to deal with two of his pastors who were in an affair together.  He wanted to tell his church about it and trust them to not gossip nor stone the victims. So he sent a letter to congregation stating the fact that two pastors have professed to the affair and that they were now going through a process and may or may not return.  He told the congregation that he would talk about it further on Sunday. That next Sunday, the church was packed to hear about how Pastor Hamilton was going to address the sin.

How did he handle it?  He hit it head on and asked his congregation to drop it and let the guilty parties go through the steps of healing. He said that he received numerous letters from people who thought he handled this brilliantly while others said he should have hid it from its members. Transparency is always the best way to deal with crisis.  It nips any further speculation, gossip, lies or rumors from spreading. It’s also the fastest way for a situation to blow over.  This was handled beautifully. Very impressive.

The old ways of cover-ups never really work. Eventually, as more and more lies are told to cover up the initial sin, the truth will come out. Leaks do happen.  Just read the papers every day.  Also, in this day in age of social media, it’s harder than ever to keep things under the wraps. Every one with a smart phone now has a recording device with them.

Transparency is key in every situation as a Christian, not just for church leaders.  God calls us to be transparent with Him. No matter how much we try and hide our sins and try and cover them up – He’s all knowing.  The best way out is the honest way out.  Tell God everything that hurts you and where you need forgiveness and grace.  The burdens will immediately fall off your shoulders and the baggage will be left behind.   Transparency is the key to the other “t” transformation.  Always remember the importance of crossing your “t’s” in prayer.

Thank you Pastor Hamilton for being so transparent with us.

Also, as a sidebar to this discussion, Pastor Hamilton left us with some practical steps on how to avoid temptation.

5 R’s of Resisting Temptation

• Remember who you are – a follower of Jesus Christ – A child of the king!
• Recognize the consequences of your actions – will I feel better or worse after I’ve done this. Will I be proud or ashamed? Who will be hurt by it?
• Rededicate yourself to God – stop, drop and pray
• Reveal your struggle to a trusted friend.
• Remove yourself from the situation.

How's Your Spiritual Growth?

Just read these words and boy, they are convicting. Here’s the proof in the pudding that…one can lose their salvation.  These are tough words, but oh so important.

“So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God. ² You don’t need further instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. ³ And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.

⁴ For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened—those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, ⁵ who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come—⁶ and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame. – Heb. 6:1-7″

Boy, oh boy.  These are good words for all believers.  God is telling us that we must keep growing in his Word and teaching – move up levels- we must not stay in the same grade – if you will.

So this scripture leads me to ask you the questions I ask myself.  Are you being stretched by extending your comfort zones? Are you thirsty for more teaching and to grow spiritually? If you feel stagnant – pray. Pray that you are maturing.  Keep learning and repent if you need to.

Again…when in doubt go back to the basics – praise, pray and study the Word. If you keep on those three – you’ll be maturing and graduating grades.

You can do it!

Because God is our perfect Teacher.

Amen.

Looks are deceiving. Piranha fish may look harmless, but they have sharp teeth and leave a mean bite.

I really do not want to write this post….but I feel, it is part of my responsibility as a single Christian. I need to preface this post with the fact that I am not asking anyone to judge another person per God’s instructions to us – “How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you are well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” –Luke 6:42

With that being said, just because someone is involved in a Christian singles group, it does not attest to the fact that he/she is a born-again sold-out Christian. I’ve seen this played out so many times and have seen its destruction that many times. It can be devastating to the person who falls prey (not pray) to this evil behavior. Usually what happens is these people who have motives of landing another (for personal pleasure) is looking for someone who is a bit new in their faith and vulnerable. And like a piranha, these impostors devour their subjects all under the guise of being a Christian. And it makes me so sad.

The main point of this post is Please Realize that Christian Single Groups are Not Automatically Safe Places and better yet,  just because someone says they are a Christian…doesn’t necessary mean that they are.

So be very cautious about building relationships with others until you’ve seen the true character of that person.  When you’re not totally infatuated with them, its much easier to make a realistic assessment.  When you are head over heels in love, then its difficult to see the truth before your eyes.  But, keep a look out for those red flags.  There are several character traits that will tell you the type of person that individual is and I will list some in a few graphs. However, first I want to chat a bit about the two different approaches that I’ve witnessed.

Again, these are not tried and true facts and I am totally speaking about generalities here.  But, women in this category are seeking security (financial, emotion) at all costs and look to land a man who will take care of them.  Men, on the other hand, or looking for someone who will give them pleasure…that’s about all I’m going to say about that.

So how can you guard your hearts.  Here’s a few simple tips.

1) Take things slowly.

2) Become friends.

3) Go out in group settings and watch how that person behaves.

4) Listen to how they answer bible study questions or if they answer questions.

5) Observe their actions – who they hang with; how they spend their days off.

6) Watch their church attendance.  If they  seldom attend or church hop or singles group hop…that’s a red flag.

7) If they are constantly turning their heads around to see who’s walking through the door – move on. They are just interested in meeting the new kid in town.

And most importantly, pray. Seek God in the relationship and be patient to hear what he says.

Heck at the end of the day…it’s best to be friends, then to go through a relationship that God never intended for you.  Friendship is a win-win for all…and if it moves into finding your soul mate…is there anything better?

So be careful.  Satan is very crafty and knows that Adult Christian Singles Groups are fertile ground. I have to confess that I learned this the hard way and feel prey to a piranha fish…and I don’t want you to have to experience the same heartache.  It’s affects were profound.

Things Just Seem to Pile Up

Life can get messy at times. The mess can come all at once like a ransacked house or in drips and drabs as things pile one on top of the other. Either way, they are no fun. They are hard to navigate around, they make you clumsy and are emotionally overwhelming.  A mess makes you feel uncomfortable and you just want them to go away. And more importantly, they always catch up with you if not dealt with and they won’t ever go away until something is done about them. Ugh.

I must admit I’ve caused a few messes myself in life…and not one was fun.  They did cause me to grow in character, but ouch.  Stuff was thrown all around and other people caught got up in my mess too. It wasn’t pretty.  But, thankfully, messes don’t have to last. They can become part of our past, if we bring God into the situation.

Thank goodness God is there for us when we call on Him to be our mess picker upper.  To me, He’s like that Brawny Paper Towel guy.  When I pray and ask Him to handle my mess, He swoops right in with His big hands and heart and wipes away the clutter – sometimes it just take one full swoop.  Other times, He has to come back and scrub and bit more and then a bit more until the mess is completely gone.  When the mess is cleaned up by God you can’t help but notice.  You are at peace.  You are no longer clumsy. You are not overwhelmed by the mess, but full of mercy.  It’s freedom and how God intended life with Him to be.

God's Paper Towels are Always There to Clean Any Mess

Yup, that’s my God.  Smiling down on me with the beauty of the evergreens at this back.  He’s ready at a moment’s notice to clean up any one of my spills, no matter the stench, severity, dirt, grime and size.  He’s never afraid to get His hands dirty or become involved.  He’s never too busy and he’s never in a hurry.  He is thorough and the only person who is perfect.  He is amazing.

Do you know that God?  Has He helped clean up one of your messes?  If not, He’s there for you.  All you have to do is knock.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Matt: 7:7-8)

God knows exactly how deep to operate

I have been in pain all week. I’m physically fine – this is an emotional pain that I’m writing about tonight. I certainly feel it, but I couldn’t tell you what it was about until now. I am in surgery. The great physician is cutting deep inside me and rooting out core issues that have caused me pain for as long as I can remember. And, this isn’t a simple surgery for He is going deeper and deeper and going after the root. Although, it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I know it is necessary. In fact, its the best thing that could ever happen to me.

The first surgery happened on Monday and after one day of recuperating, I was back on the table. I guess X-rays (my behavior) must have showed that they didn’t get it all. So on Wednesday, I was back under the knife.

As with any surgery, it takes time to heal. There’s re-hab. There’s medicine to take and you have to slow down your life. You almost never feel the full effects until well after the surgeries have been performed. I tell ya this was no minor surgery. This was definitely open heart surgery and it’s leaving some scars.

Right now I still feel I’m on the table and my guts are spilling out all over. I’m feeling vulnerable. Scared and unsure of my healing. I’m also hoping that he gets it all this time.

But I know in order for anything new to be in my life, I have to get rid of the old. He’s going after hurtful thought patterns I’ve believed that were never from Him. He wants me to see my life as he does – full of hope, fruit and goodness. But, he has to remove all the bad – so I’m going with it.

I’m not left without any morphine. I have the best medicine around for healing for every time I ask him to help me through the pain…he’s right there and takes it away. It only comes back when I forget about him and his promises.

I’ll keep you posted as to my re-hab. I’m letting my body heal at the moment and trying to take better care of myself and letting God fill up that empty hole in my heart. I’m already feeling better, but, boy did it hurt. I’ll let you know when the pain finally lifts.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!