There always is a sticky side to transparency

I sat in an amazing session last week led by Alex Hamilton (The Redeemer Church) at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit. He told us he would be talking about one of the most important issues facing the church – when leaders fall and how you handle it. Well, being a crisis communication executive, my ears certainly perked up.   Kudos to Pastor Hamilton – he did lead one of the most important seminars of the conference and what he had to say about how to handle it was spot on – he took a risk and was transparent with his congregation when his church was faced with such a problem.

Pastor Hamilton had to deal with two of his pastors who were in an affair together.  He wanted to tell his church about it and trust them to not gossip nor stone the victims. So he sent a letter to congregation stating the fact that two pastors have professed to the affair and that they were now going through a process and may or may not return.  He told the congregation that he would talk about it further on Sunday. That next Sunday, the church was packed to hear about how Pastor Hamilton was going to address the sin.

How did he handle it?  He hit it head on and asked his congregation to drop it and let the guilty parties go through the steps of healing. He said that he received numerous letters from people who thought he handled this brilliantly while others said he should have hid it from its members. Transparency is always the best way to deal with crisis.  It nips any further speculation, gossip, lies or rumors from spreading. It’s also the fastest way for a situation to blow over.  This was handled beautifully. Very impressive.

The old ways of cover-ups never really work. Eventually, as more and more lies are told to cover up the initial sin, the truth will come out. Leaks do happen.  Just read the papers every day.  Also, in this day in age of social media, it’s harder than ever to keep things under the wraps. Every one with a smart phone now has a recording device with them.

Transparency is key in every situation as a Christian, not just for church leaders.  God calls us to be transparent with Him. No matter how much we try and hide our sins and try and cover them up – He’s all knowing.  The best way out is the honest way out.  Tell God everything that hurts you and where you need forgiveness and grace.  The burdens will immediately fall off your shoulders and the baggage will be left behind.   Transparency is the key to the other “t” transformation.  Always remember the importance of crossing your “t’s” in prayer.

Thank you Pastor Hamilton for being so transparent with us.

Also, as a sidebar to this discussion, Pastor Hamilton left us with some practical steps on how to avoid temptation.

5 R’s of Resisting Temptation

• Remember who you are – a follower of Jesus Christ – A child of the king!
• Recognize the consequences of your actions – will I feel better or worse after I’ve done this. Will I be proud or ashamed? Who will be hurt by it?
• Rededicate yourself to God – stop, drop and pray
• Reveal your struggle to a trusted friend.
• Remove yourself from the situation.

What I kept hearing this morning was so simple – if I keep to it – I won’t have any problems in my life. And that message was doing what God says to me through His word, prayer and others.  The scripture just shouted this out to me for here’s what it said plain as day.

Proverbs 4

A Father’s Wise Advice

¹ My children, listen when your father corrects you.
Pay attention and learn good judgment,
² for I am giving you good guidance.
Don’t turn away from my instructions.
³ For I, too, was once my father’s son,
tenderly loved as my mother’s only child.

⁴ My father taught me,
“Take my words to heart.
Follow my commands, and you will live.
⁵ Get wisdom; develop good judgment.
Don’t forget my words or turn away from them.
⁶ Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you.
Love her, and she will guard you.
⁷ Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do!
And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.
⁸ If you prize wisdom, she will make you great.
Embrace her, and she will honor you.
⁹ She will place a lovely wreath on your head;
she will present you with a beautiful crown.”

¹⁰ My child, listen to me and do as I say,
and you will have a long, good life.
¹¹ I will teach you wisdom’s ways
and lead you in straight paths.
¹² When you walk, you won’t be held back;
when you run, you won’t stumble.
¹³ Take hold of my instructions; don’t let them go.
Guard them, for they are the key to life.

¹⁴ Don’t do as the wicked do,
and don’t follow the path of evildoers.
¹⁵ Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way.
Turn away and keep moving.
¹⁶ For evil people can’t sleep until they’ve done their evil deed for the day.
They can’t rest until they’ve caused someone to stumble.
¹⁷ They eat the food of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence!

¹⁸ The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.
¹⁹ But the way of the wicked is like total darkness.
They have no idea what they are stumbling over.

²⁰ My child, pay attention to what I say.
Listen carefully to my words.
²¹ Don’t lose sight of them.
Let them penetrate deep into your heart,
²² for they bring life to those who find them,
and healing to their whole body.

²³ Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.

²⁴ Avoid all perverse talk;
stay away from corrupt speech.

²⁵ Look straight ahead,
and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
²⁶ Mark out a straight path for your feet;
stay on the safe path.
²⁷ Don’t get sidetracked;
keep your feet from following evil.

Doesn’t it seem so simple! God has given us this advice just as a Father should.  Read this Proverb over and over and over again.  If you follow its instructions, just as it says…you’ll have a full life.

God Bless,
Cindy

Looks are deceiving. Piranha fish may look harmless, but they have sharp teeth and leave a mean bite.

I really do not want to write this post….but I feel, it is part of my responsibility as a single Christian. I need to preface this post with the fact that I am not asking anyone to judge another person per God’s instructions to us – “How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you are well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” –Luke 6:42

With that being said, just because someone is involved in a Christian singles group, it does not attest to the fact that he/she is a born-again sold-out Christian. I’ve seen this played out so many times and have seen its destruction that many times. It can be devastating to the person who falls prey (not pray) to this evil behavior. Usually what happens is these people who have motives of landing another (for personal pleasure) is looking for someone who is a bit new in their faith and vulnerable. And like a piranha, these impostors devour their subjects all under the guise of being a Christian. And it makes me so sad.

The main point of this post is Please Realize that Christian Single Groups are Not Automatically Safe Places and better yet,  just because someone says they are a Christian…doesn’t necessary mean that they are.

So be very cautious about building relationships with others until you’ve seen the true character of that person.  When you’re not totally infatuated with them, its much easier to make a realistic assessment.  When you are head over heels in love, then its difficult to see the truth before your eyes.  But, keep a look out for those red flags.  There are several character traits that will tell you the type of person that individual is and I will list some in a few graphs. However, first I want to chat a bit about the two different approaches that I’ve witnessed.

Again, these are not tried and true facts and I am totally speaking about generalities here.  But, women in this category are seeking security (financial, emotion) at all costs and look to land a man who will take care of them.  Men, on the other hand, or looking for someone who will give them pleasure…that’s about all I’m going to say about that.

So how can you guard your hearts.  Here’s a few simple tips.

1) Take things slowly.

2) Become friends.

3) Go out in group settings and watch how that person behaves.

4) Listen to how they answer bible study questions or if they answer questions.

5) Observe their actions – who they hang with; how they spend their days off.

6) Watch their church attendance.  If they  seldom attend or church hop or singles group hop…that’s a red flag.

7) If they are constantly turning their heads around to see who’s walking through the door – move on. They are just interested in meeting the new kid in town.

And most importantly, pray. Seek God in the relationship and be patient to hear what he says.

Heck at the end of the day…it’s best to be friends, then to go through a relationship that God never intended for you.  Friendship is a win-win for all…and if it moves into finding your soul mate…is there anything better?

So be careful.  Satan is very crafty and knows that Adult Christian Singles Groups are fertile ground. I have to confess that I learned this the hard way and feel prey to a piranha fish…and I don’t want you to have to experience the same heartache.  It’s affects were profound.

Simplistic Beauty

Read this today and thought you might find this inspirational as well.

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Sometimes its so simple. If we can keep our mind on those thoughts all pain, confusion and struggles will do away.  You are Loved and He’s there singing about you right now!

What song do you think he’s singing about you? I hope mine is Happy Day.

Amen,

Cindy

God Always Provides Warm Embraces

Why does it take one cruddy day to ruin what I have been working on for a lifetime?  It seems because I’m struggling a bit more than usual that I forget that God loves me through and through.  I forgot that today.   And He had to do something remarkable to remind me He still cares.  What an awesome God we have.

Today I was feeling pretty alone in the world – like everything rests on my shoulders and it’s overwhelming.  I thought that this pain would over take me and that God was no where near.  And then I got one of those cheesy chain letters in my email.  And its sentiment hit me at the right spot.  Here’s what it said.

I never put any belief or energy into these things, but today I sent it to some friends for it touched me.  And you know what….a miracle happened.  When I went to my mailbox this evening I got a letter that I wrote to myself at a church retreat last September.  The Pastor of the conference told us to write a note to ourselves from God – I had totally forgotten that I had ever written that letter. But, it arrived on the perfect day. And here’s how it started out.

From the moment you arrived at the Retreat I gave you love and sent you messages to show you how much I loved you and love you.  I want you to start to feel my love  deep, deep, deep into your soul.  Never forget how much I love you every day and that I am always near.

Lord, I pray, that you help me never forget how much you do love me.  I repent of my doubt and open my arms to receive your mercy and grace – me this woman of little faith.

Things Just Seem to Pile Up

Life can get messy at times. The mess can come all at once like a ransacked house or in drips and drabs as things pile one on top of the other. Either way, they are no fun. They are hard to navigate around, they make you clumsy and are emotionally overwhelming.  A mess makes you feel uncomfortable and you just want them to go away. And more importantly, they always catch up with you if not dealt with and they won’t ever go away until something is done about them. Ugh.

I must admit I’ve caused a few messes myself in life…and not one was fun.  They did cause me to grow in character, but ouch.  Stuff was thrown all around and other people caught got up in my mess too. It wasn’t pretty.  But, thankfully, messes don’t have to last. They can become part of our past, if we bring God into the situation.

Thank goodness God is there for us when we call on Him to be our mess picker upper.  To me, He’s like that Brawny Paper Towel guy.  When I pray and ask Him to handle my mess, He swoops right in with His big hands and heart and wipes away the clutter – sometimes it just take one full swoop.  Other times, He has to come back and scrub and bit more and then a bit more until the mess is completely gone.  When the mess is cleaned up by God you can’t help but notice.  You are at peace.  You are no longer clumsy. You are not overwhelmed by the mess, but full of mercy.  It’s freedom and how God intended life with Him to be.

God's Paper Towels are Always There to Clean Any Mess

Yup, that’s my God.  Smiling down on me with the beauty of the evergreens at this back.  He’s ready at a moment’s notice to clean up any one of my spills, no matter the stench, severity, dirt, grime and size.  He’s never afraid to get His hands dirty or become involved.  He’s never too busy and he’s never in a hurry.  He is thorough and the only person who is perfect.  He is amazing.

Do you know that God?  Has He helped clean up one of your messes?  If not, He’s there for you.  All you have to do is knock.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  (Matt: 7:7-8)

God Stands Right in the Middle of Darkness and Brings Us Light. Credit: Flickr-thundershead

God is teaching me some really rich things at the moment- so personally rich that I can’t explain what he teaching me with mere words.  But, through my cleansing, much healing and new thinking is being born.   It’s like a beautiful meteor shower.  All these incredible things just keep whizzing by my brain – and it’s a beautiful light show.

One such piece of matter that is coming front and center is how we are to shine His light into darkness.  I think I’m finally figuring that equation out. I’ve got a few things that have caused me fear my entire life and God knows it.  The last few nights before I’ve dropped off to sleep the Holy Spirit has been whispering to me to bring Him into those feelings and situations – that I should not leave him out.   In the past, they’ve sacred me silly and thus, I didn’t want to let anyone in, not even God.

But, God has called us to handle our fears this way. He wants to know everything about us and free us from strongholds and bondage.

• When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12
• “A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light.” John 11:9

So no matter how dark something appears to you at this very moment and for me, some of my friends have some pretty heavy situations on their hands right now – that’s when we especially need to shine His light on the situation.  He’s the only one we can trust to see us through. He’s our Father, our healer, our friend and our help through the darkness.

So dig out that flashlight and turn it on.  And let me know how things turn out.

In His Guiding Light,

Cindy

(Cover Photo Credit: piterart (Flickr))

With God All Things are Possible

My last post was about weariness…but, this word came to me on Monday…and I like it…resilience. Look at how Dictionary.com defines it.

1. The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy.
2. The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed; elasticity.

I attended a job search workshop and our guest speaker for the day is someone who calls himself a “change coach.”  He truly embraces that there’s one thing certain in our lives and that is “change.”  He went on further to tell us that the sooner we can embrace this reality, the better it will be for us.  And at the same time, we need to remain resilient. Even though we faced the loss of a job, we do have the ability to recover quickly from it.

And for those of you whom trust in God…we understand that. Our recovery is due to Jesus Christ and the fact that the Holy Spirit guides us into the hope of the future…the past is the past.

Look at God’s promise to us.  Here’s his recipe for resilience.

Isaiah 61:3 -

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Just look at that–in my case – for those grieving over a job loss – He is going to bestow on me a crown of beauty…in place of ashes, I’m going to have gladness and praise instead of mourning. Woo hoo.  If I remain resilient in Him, joy is going to come.

So friends, if you are weary…stay in the boat.  The storm will eventually stop and the waters will become calm.  There will be more celebrations in your future. God promises.

Cindy

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Credit: Flickr-Empathie

This is my favorite week all year as God leads us from Palm Sunday into Good Friday and then through the joy of Easter.  It’s an emotional week on all counts.  If you feel like you’re on a roller coaster, my advice is just go with it. It’s supposed to happen. Our Lord Jesus Christ went thorough a tumultuous week during this time over 2000 years ago. He was worshiped as a King, he then spent a wonderful night with his friends (the Last Supper); he was betrayed by a close friend; arrested; crucified and then rose from the dead. If He didn’t go through every emotion ever felt- I don’t which one He may have missed.

It’s a difficult week – but, we just have to hold on…no matter how much you are struggling. Keep remembering that there will be light soon.  This too shall pass. The pain, darkness and oppression of Good Friday does give rise to Jesus being raised from the dead.  Keep focused on the power inside Him which is inside you.

Glory, Glory, Glory.  He is is Risen. He is Risen indeed.

Credit Cover Image: Flickr – Untitled Blue

Dads are the first men Daughters Love

I have a wonderful, loving mother.  I know God blessed me with her to make up for the absence of love from my Dad.  My Dad has been in heaven for eight years now, but the effects of his lack of love toward his little girl has been lifelong  and probably one of the main reasons why I am still not married.

I am coming to better terms with my Father’s relationship and this post is not meant to be about bashing him or dads in general for that matter.  But, I just wanted to speak from my heart and speak from experience to all fathers out there who have little girls in their care. I want to remind them about how important their role is in the life of their daughters.

For you see the world tells us at a very young age that we are to wait for our Prince Charming.  But, even though we learn about our Prince through Disney classics - it is our fathers who embody them for us. They are the first men in our lives who love us – they set the bar for how we should choose our boyfriends and our Prince Charmings.  Dads are so very important to our well-being.  In many ways, they are more valuable in this area than our mothers.

Whenever I am able to give advice to dads who are struggling with teenage girls, I ask them if they have ever taken their daughters on a date.   Every time I hear the same answer – it is no.  I tell them that their daughters need to learn what to expect on a date before they have their first one – this is a lesson every dad can give their daughter. I so wish my dad did that with me.  I wished he cared enough about me and how I let boys/men treat me.  His words to me would have been so helpful, especially when I was such a shy girl.

I am writing this today, because it’s every Valentine’s Day that I remember the two times that he did something for me. The first was when I was in junior high and was sick.  He brought me a box of chocolates in a heart-shaped box the day after Valentine’s because they were half off at the drug store.  The second came two decades later.  He actually bought me a couple roses with a little card.

Which do you think meant more to me?  You guessed it.  The card.  I still have it. It is taped to a photo frame containing his picture. That card is priceless to me.  Whenever I feel the most unloved or unlovable or just plain down, I look at the card and remember that my Dad was not able to show me his love. It was his problem and not mine.  But he did tell it to me once with this card. God allowed me to have one memento from the first man in my life.  I do know now after years of therapy that, in his own way, he loved me the best he could.

I could go on and on about Valentine’s Day.  I am not a fan, only because I’m not on a date with someone who thinks I’m terrific.  I really think Valentine’s Day is a holiday that Satan uses mightily.  For those of us single, divorced, widowed, brokenhearted – it’s a day of sadness – if you let it be.  But, God, told me this week – that he has all the love for me that I need.  I am not unloved.  I am not unlovable.  I am His Valentine. I still have my mom who has never forgotten me on Valentine’s.  And I have this card.

Lasting Words from my Father on Valnetine's Day - A Valentine's Day Reminder

So dads do something special with your daughters. Teach them about how they should expect to be treated by the opposite sex.  Take them on one-on-one dates. Make them feel special and be the first man in their lives to give them flowers with a little card on Valentine’s Day.  I guarantee you that they will keep that card the rest of their life just like I’m doing.

Happy Valentine’s Day.