There always is a sticky side to transparency

I sat in an amazing session last week led by Alex Hamilton (The Redeemer Church) at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit. He told us he would be talking about one of the most important issues facing the church – when leaders fall and how you handle it. Well, being a crisis communication executive, my ears certainly perked up.   Kudos to Pastor Hamilton – he did lead one of the most important seminars of the conference and what he had to say about how to handle it was spot on – he took a risk and was transparent with his congregation when his church was faced with such a problem.

Pastor Hamilton had to deal with two of his pastors who were in an affair together.  He wanted to tell his church about it and trust them to not gossip nor stone the victims. So he sent a letter to congregation stating the fact that two pastors have professed to the affair and that they were now going through a process and may or may not return.  He told the congregation that he would talk about it further on Sunday. That next Sunday, the church was packed to hear about how Pastor Hamilton was going to address the sin.

How did he handle it?  He hit it head on and asked his congregation to drop it and let the guilty parties go through the steps of healing. He said that he received numerous letters from people who thought he handled this brilliantly while others said he should have hid it from its members. Transparency is always the best way to deal with crisis.  It nips any further speculation, gossip, lies or rumors from spreading. It’s also the fastest way for a situation to blow over.  This was handled beautifully. Very impressive.

The old ways of cover-ups never really work. Eventually, as more and more lies are told to cover up the initial sin, the truth will come out. Leaks do happen.  Just read the papers every day.  Also, in this day in age of social media, it’s harder than ever to keep things under the wraps. Every one with a smart phone now has a recording device with them.

Transparency is key in every situation as a Christian, not just for church leaders.  God calls us to be transparent with Him. No matter how much we try and hide our sins and try and cover them up – He’s all knowing.  The best way out is the honest way out.  Tell God everything that hurts you and where you need forgiveness and grace.  The burdens will immediately fall off your shoulders and the baggage will be left behind.   Transparency is the key to the other “t” transformation.  Always remember the importance of crossing your “t’s” in prayer.

Thank you Pastor Hamilton for being so transparent with us.

Also, as a sidebar to this discussion, Pastor Hamilton left us with some practical steps on how to avoid temptation.

5 R’s of Resisting Temptation

• Remember who you are – a follower of Jesus Christ – A child of the king!
• Recognize the consequences of your actions – will I feel better or worse after I’ve done this. Will I be proud or ashamed? Who will be hurt by it?
• Rededicate yourself to God – stop, drop and pray
• Reveal your struggle to a trusted friend.
• Remove yourself from the situation.

Looks are deceiving. Piranha fish may look harmless, but they have sharp teeth and leave a mean bite.

I really do not want to write this post….but I feel, it is part of my responsibility as a single Christian. I need to preface this post with the fact that I am not asking anyone to judge another person per God’s instructions to us – “How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you are well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” –Luke 6:42

With that being said, just because someone is involved in a Christian singles group, it does not attest to the fact that he/she is a born-again sold-out Christian. I’ve seen this played out so many times and have seen its destruction that many times. It can be devastating to the person who falls prey (not pray) to this evil behavior. Usually what happens is these people who have motives of landing another (for personal pleasure) is looking for someone who is a bit new in their faith and vulnerable. And like a piranha, these impostors devour their subjects all under the guise of being a Christian. And it makes me so sad.

The main point of this post is Please Realize that Christian Single Groups are Not Automatically Safe Places and better yet,  just because someone says they are a Christian…doesn’t necessary mean that they are.

So be very cautious about building relationships with others until you’ve seen the true character of that person.  When you’re not totally infatuated with them, its much easier to make a realistic assessment.  When you are head over heels in love, then its difficult to see the truth before your eyes.  But, keep a look out for those red flags.  There are several character traits that will tell you the type of person that individual is and I will list some in a few graphs. However, first I want to chat a bit about the two different approaches that I’ve witnessed.

Again, these are not tried and true facts and I am totally speaking about generalities here.  But, women in this category are seeking security (financial, emotion) at all costs and look to land a man who will take care of them.  Men, on the other hand, or looking for someone who will give them pleasure…that’s about all I’m going to say about that.

So how can you guard your hearts.  Here’s a few simple tips.

1) Take things slowly.

2) Become friends.

3) Go out in group settings and watch how that person behaves.

4) Listen to how they answer bible study questions or if they answer questions.

5) Observe their actions – who they hang with; how they spend their days off.

6) Watch their church attendance.  If they  seldom attend or church hop or singles group hop…that’s a red flag.

7) If they are constantly turning their heads around to see who’s walking through the door – move on. They are just interested in meeting the new kid in town.

And most importantly, pray. Seek God in the relationship and be patient to hear what he says.

Heck at the end of the day…it’s best to be friends, then to go through a relationship that God never intended for you.  Friendship is a win-win for all…and if it moves into finding your soul mate…is there anything better?

So be careful.  Satan is very crafty and knows that Adult Christian Singles Groups are fertile ground. I have to confess that I learned this the hard way and feel prey to a piranha fish…and I don’t want you to have to experience the same heartache.  It’s affects were profound.

Simplistic Beauty

Read this today and thought you might find this inspirational as well.

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Sometimes its so simple. If we can keep our mind on those thoughts all pain, confusion and struggles will do away.  You are Loved and He’s there singing about you right now!

What song do you think he’s singing about you? I hope mine is Happy Day.

Amen,

Cindy

God Stands Right in the Middle of Darkness and Brings Us Light. Credit: Flickr-thundershead

God is teaching me some really rich things at the moment- so personally rich that I can’t explain what he teaching me with mere words.  But, through my cleansing, much healing and new thinking is being born.   It’s like a beautiful meteor shower.  All these incredible things just keep whizzing by my brain – and it’s a beautiful light show.

One such piece of matter that is coming front and center is how we are to shine His light into darkness.  I think I’m finally figuring that equation out. I’ve got a few things that have caused me fear my entire life and God knows it.  The last few nights before I’ve dropped off to sleep the Holy Spirit has been whispering to me to bring Him into those feelings and situations – that I should not leave him out.   In the past, they’ve sacred me silly and thus, I didn’t want to let anyone in, not even God.

But, God has called us to handle our fears this way. He wants to know everything about us and free us from strongholds and bondage.

• When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12
• “A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world’s light.” John 11:9

So no matter how dark something appears to you at this very moment and for me, some of my friends have some pretty heavy situations on their hands right now – that’s when we especially need to shine His light on the situation.  He’s the only one we can trust to see us through. He’s our Father, our healer, our friend and our help through the darkness.

So dig out that flashlight and turn it on.  And let me know how things turn out.

In His Guiding Light,

Cindy

(Cover Photo Credit: piterart (Flickr))

With God All Things are Possible

My last post was about weariness…but, this word came to me on Monday…and I like it…resilience. Look at how Dictionary.com defines it.

1. The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy.
2. The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed; elasticity.

I attended a job search workshop and our guest speaker for the day is someone who calls himself a “change coach.”  He truly embraces that there’s one thing certain in our lives and that is “change.”  He went on further to tell us that the sooner we can embrace this reality, the better it will be for us.  And at the same time, we need to remain resilient. Even though we faced the loss of a job, we do have the ability to recover quickly from it.

And for those of you whom trust in God…we understand that. Our recovery is due to Jesus Christ and the fact that the Holy Spirit guides us into the hope of the future…the past is the past.

Look at God’s promise to us.  Here’s his recipe for resilience.

Isaiah 61:3 -

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Just look at that–in my case – for those grieving over a job loss – He is going to bestow on me a crown of beauty…in place of ashes, I’m going to have gladness and praise instead of mourning. Woo hoo.  If I remain resilient in Him, joy is going to come.

So friends, if you are weary…stay in the boat.  The storm will eventually stop and the waters will become calm.  There will be more celebrations in your future. God promises.

Cindy

]]> http://www.godgirl.net/resilience.html/feed 0 http://www.godgirl.net/weariness.html http://www.godgirl.net/weariness.html#comments Sat, 10 Apr 2010 06:30:39 +0000 admin http://www.godgirl.net/?p=194 Continue reading →]]> Lately, God has been telling me to tune into Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life broadcasts and I must say He’s right again.  This week Joyce has been hitting on a subject close to home, weariness.  She has been providing her audience with practical steps on how not to sink down into the heaviness of this weight by turning it all over to God to lighten the load.  She’s even gone as far to say that once you give it all to Him, your soul will feel like its on vacation.

I get this idea and am glad that it’s possible to live that way when you feel that all your waking hours are spent walking through thick mud.  That each step is so hard to take and that you feel like you’re going nowhere.  I’m living at that place now and I know that Satan loves putting me there.  You just get weary.

Here’s how Dictionary.com defines “weary” in adjective form:

1.physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain, etc.; fatigued; tired: weary eyes; a weary brain.

2.characterized by or causing fatigue: a weary journey.

3.impatient or dissatisfied with something (often fol. by of): weary of excuse

4.characterized by or causing impatience or dissatisfaction; tedious; irksome: a weary wait.

Credit: Flickr-Empathie

This is my favorite week all year as God leads us from Palm Sunday into Good Friday and then through the joy of Easter.  It’s an emotional week on all counts.  If you feel like you’re on a roller coaster, my advice is just go with it. It’s supposed to happen. Our Lord Jesus Christ went thorough a tumultuous week during this time over 2000 years ago. He was worshiped as a King, he then spent a wonderful night with his friends (the Last Supper); he was betrayed by a close friend; arrested; crucified and then rose from the dead. If He didn’t go through every emotion ever felt- I don’t which one He may have missed.

It’s a difficult week – but, we just have to hold on…no matter how much you are struggling. Keep remembering that there will be light soon.  This too shall pass. The pain, darkness and oppression of Good Friday does give rise to Jesus being raised from the dead.  Keep focused on the power inside Him which is inside you.

Glory, Glory, Glory.  He is is Risen. He is Risen indeed.

Credit Cover Image: Flickr – Untitled Blue

Flickr: D Sharon Pruitt

Man, there’s just something that I just can’t let go of and I don’t know why.  And yup, it deals with a matter of the heart.  I’ve been praying about it constantly to God and am asking for him to dig up the root so we can cast it away…but it still torments me.

I’m understanding that I am controlling this issue and it’s me that has to keep prying my hands off it.  My knuckles are white from my firm grasp on it…and I keep examining myself to see what it is that makes me think my life is better by holding on to it.

Have you ever had something you just can’t seem to let go of?  It’s painful, emotionally painful.

I also think that the reason why I am holding on to it is because I am pouting that I didn’t get my way.  It’s not fun when you don’t get your way in life. I wish I was one of those people who could just accept that and move on quickly…but I’m not quite there yet.

I am trying to learn how to accept my circumstances and realize they are the best for me.  But, I’m struggling with that I have to admit.

So, I’m throwing myself in God’s arms, as mentioned in the last post, and I’m trying to deal with my situation and not shoving it down. I’m letting it hurt with the hopes that one day I will have a breakthrough and it will be gone.

I have to hold onto God’s words and trust Him in all things. He cares for me and understands where I’m at.  And when I run to him, the pain does numb…

Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I get it…but it still hurts.  Do hearts ever mend I wonder?

In his good care,

Cindy

Go ahead and Say No

I am just learning that it’s OK to say no.  That is if that is what you are hearing from God.  I’ve always thought, especially when someone needed help and especially when my church had a request that I had to say yes.  But, I’m learning that it is not necessarily the right thing to do.  Often No is the appropriate answer, even if it kills you to say it.

I mean if someone in your family always requests money and you have it to give to them – should you give it? Or should you help them by saying this time you need to take care of your issue and try and get a job?

Or if you don’t feel that you have time for something and you add it to your schedule anyway-should you?

Or in my case, I am on a quest to land a job and although I have more free time than usual, is it the best use of my time to volunteer as I see fit?  That answer is No.  I’m learning that if I don’t take care of my issues – then no one will.  And they are my issues and I don’t want to make them anyone else’s.

I am trying to follow God’s path for me right now and obeying even if it means I do less at church which feels so foreign to me.  But right now he wants me to train and learn – so that’s what I am doing.  In doing so, I have to say “no” to many things and that’s new to me.  I test everything in prayer and often I get a resounding feeling in my soul that it’s the right thing. When I don’t hear a definite no or yes from him, then I error on the side of  “no” not yes.  It seems to be working well.

So go ahead and say no and remember rejection isn’t anything more than direction.  No has many positive consequences, especially when we say No to temptation.  No has power to overcome hurtful behaviors. It really should be thought of as a positive word and action don’t you think?

Jesus said no many times.  He said no to the devil three times when tempted. He said no one can come through the Father except through him.  We must though never waiver in our decision for as Jesus said – it’s so on point….

Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matt 5:37

Would you have said yes or no to the apple?